I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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