Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
