had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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