You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
