Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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