I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
