That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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