careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
