i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
