You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
