The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
