But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
