Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
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im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
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I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people