I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid