I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.