Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

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  (608): Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting. (608): Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro. http://tfl.nu/1sa0
  Replies (18) Good night (1032) Bad night (2429)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."

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  (503): You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin." http://tfl.nu/0mfk
  Replies (13) Good night (2554) Bad night (623)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.

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  (606): I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now. <3 Russia http://tfl.nu/k3de
  Replies (72) Good night (6431) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.

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  (775): For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven. http://tfl.nu/fqjc
  Replies (38) Good night (1236) Bad night (6574) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it

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  (647): he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it http://tfl.nu/1z9x
  Replies (13) Good night (4318) Bad night (1592) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...

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  (510): Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking... http://tfl.nu/p911
  Replies (9) Good night (825) Bad night (4528) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?

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  (217): just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom? http://tfl.nu/rbqh
  Replies (20) Good night (5878) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

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  (519): When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon. http://tfl.nu/7cpz
  Replies (56) Good night (8359) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.

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  (617): I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while. http://tfl.nu/clpn
  Replies (15) Good night (4312) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.

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  (404): i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college. http://tfl.nu/cy12
  Replies (4) Good night (3358) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.

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  (734): you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you. http://tfl.nu/57kx
  Replies (7) Good night (1889) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed

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  (630): the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed http://tfl.nu/eaof
  Replies (5) Good night (722) Bad night (1548)
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  (661): View more from California

  I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.

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  (661): I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore. http://tfl.nu/4rua
  Replies (7) Good night (741) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.

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  (307): puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done. http://tfl.nu/58vm
  Replies (3) Good night (2105) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?

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  (303): I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream? http://tfl.nu/tu1k
  Replies (13) Good night (521) Bad night (1526) Order T-Shirt

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