Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...