She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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