Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
