Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.