Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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