i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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