I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
