Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
