miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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