This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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