Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
