Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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