He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize