He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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