She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She told me I should be a condom model.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
