she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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