Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
