saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
