Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
