I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize