There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
In America we eat man semen.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
