you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
