hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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