If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
