Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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