I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
