I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
