i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
