This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
