Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
