none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So vagazzling was a success
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
