Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
