Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
