I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
