Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
