she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
