I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
