So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
