I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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