I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
