So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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