When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think people are normalizing furries
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