You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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