I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's not a walk of shame if you run
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up under a house in Key West
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
