It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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