is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i don't like sucking hair
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
