k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
