I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I need a burrito and a hug.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
