drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
