dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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