You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Send help, water and tortillas.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize