Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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