i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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