just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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