I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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