no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
