Farmville is her only friend.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
