Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
