Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
