I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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