glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
