I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think I just sharted jello shots
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
