i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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