i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
