so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You are the jesus of drinking
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
