I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
