Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
