what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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