May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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