I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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