My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dignity is for republicans.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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