remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
