I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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