hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Two words: blizzard sex
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
