do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
